Vanessa's Story

Vanessa's Story 

Content warning – this post discusses suicidal feelings. 

Worrying about the financial implications of caring is common, especially if you need to give up work or if the person you care for requires specialist care or equipment. However, caring for more than one person can have an even more significant impact on a carer. Vanessa, 49, is a carer from Essex. She shares the challenges she has experienced throughout her caring journey. 

Vanessa's story sheds light on the immense challenges faced by those who care for multiple people, often with diverse needs. Her dedication and selflessness in supporting her brother, daughter, partner, and uncle show the vital role that carers play in our society. However, the financial strain, emotional toll, and exhaustion of juggling multiple caring responsibilities makes caring even more difficult. 

Caring for her brother who is on the autism spectrum and has Crohn's disease, Vanessa provides support with medications, medical appointments, and provides ongoing support to ensure her brother receives the right care. 

"I've cared for my brother since I was seven and he was nine. He has suffered neglect, abuse and bullying throughout his life, and it's been my job to look after and protect him. He is autistic, which affects his ability to communicate effectively with others, and this makes him vulnerable.

"I have also made huge efforts to help him secure housing closer to where I live, considering the support I provide. I am being supported by Carers First to engage with Adult Social Care to get further support for my brother's needs." 

Supporting her daughter, who has a  personality disorder, adds another layer of complexity to Vanessa's role as a carer. The emotional impact of helping her daughter through medical appointments and providing crucial emotional support can be exhausting and overwhelming. 

"While supporting my brother, my daughter was self-harming and suicidal for over five years, which, as my husband had walked out, fell to me. We had no support from social services, and I was on 24 hour suicide watch, alone. She finally got the correct diagnosis at university and has an emerging unstable personality disorder, also known as Borderline Personality Disorder.  

"She did not stay at university, but things have really improved in the last few years. However, like many of our grown up children, she has moved back home with financial issues I am helping her to deal with. She also lives with Colitis, so I help her to manage a careful diet." 

Additionally, Vanessa also cares for her ex-partner, who battles alcoholism, supporting him with practical tasks like cooking and housework but also offering emotional support to help him manage his daily life, a role she finds challenging but manageable with patience, understanding, and resilience. 

Balancing her caring role with work responsibilities undoubtedly presents a significant challenge for Vanessa, leading to feelings of stress, exhaustion, and burnout. However, her resilience and determination to prioritise self-care and seek support from friends, family, and community resources help her to look after her wellbeing. 

"If it were not for Carers First's Halstead Coffee and Cake group each month, I would probably not still be standing. It's amazing to talk to people who understand and have great advice and support." 

Vanessa's story reminds us of the critical role carers play in our communities and the need for greater recognition and support for their invaluable contributions. Addressing the financial struggles carers face, improving access to respite care services, and promoting flexible work options are essential steps toward alleviating the burden on carers like Vanessa and ensuring they receive the support and recognition they deserve. 

If you would like support in your caring role, or would like to connect with other carers, you can visit our website at carersfirst.org.uk or call our helpline on 0300 303 1555.